I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize