woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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