I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
