My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize