my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
