Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The air taste purple.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
