You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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