discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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