Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
