i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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