i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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