Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Randomize
