Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
