piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
