I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
