found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A bitchslap is in order.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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