Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
