That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
