i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
