but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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