I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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