she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
