the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
