My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
