If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize