so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
