I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dick very happy bro
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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