I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
