the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
