i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
