I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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