I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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