Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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