I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
