The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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