i need an iv and a liver transplant
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if i died would you start the facebook group?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
