Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
