So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
