I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
