New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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