I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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