Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
