i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
