I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
