just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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