If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
