i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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