Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
