i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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