if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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