I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
