I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
