I'm going to jail i love you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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