i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
