Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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