miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
