If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
it's like iHOP with fire
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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