He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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