i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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