you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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