She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
