Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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