I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
