i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
