You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
