Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize